Because we’re wrestling journalists — and Buzzfeed contributors — we’ve decided that we needed to start creating a top ten list based on each Wrestler, or in this case, Promotion of the Week. We’ve decided to not include any criteria for the list, because we’ve been told by experts in the list-making field that it would just muddy our ability to explain why we’re right. You should understand, because you read us, that we know more about wrestling than you and what we think is best IS best. We promise. If you want, you can guess what why we’ve chosen these people the way we have in the comments. Where you belong.
So, without further ado, we give you the definitive list of the Top 10 ECW Mainstream Crossovers.
After having so much fun with the stables last month in celebration of the Survivor Series, we’ve decided to turn this December — and all Decembers in perpetuity — into Promotions Month. This week we have Paul Heyman’s Extreme Championship Wrestling. This is Day Three of #ECWWeek, the fifteenth installment of our (patent-pending) Juice Make Sugar Wrestler of the Week Series. As (almost) always, we started by making ECW a Promotion You (Should) Probably Know Better. Yesterday, we gave you the finer points of the company’s oeuvre with some Essential Viewing . Today, we’ll talk about the idea of the ECW Highlight Reel and Another Fan’s Treasure before quenching your thirst for Listicles with a Juice Make Sugar Top 10 List on Thursday. Finally we’ll sum everything up on Friday with a “Difference of Opinion” that will likely be closer to a “Difference in Levels of Disdain”. Let’s get Extreme?
There’s something almost all ECW fans have in common. It’s not a violence fetish. It’s not an overinflated sense of self-worth and “smart-mark” attitude. It’s not even Paul Heyman.
It’s their highlight reel. Now, you’re probably saying, but didn’t you just write about this yesterday?
And yes, yesterday, Dave wrote about the Essential Viewing for ECW, but that’s just different than the “highlights” of ECW. Unlike WCW and WWE, ECW doesn’t have decades of rich history. It had a few good years, which were used to justify more than a decade of knockoffs and reunions. So the bright spots of ECW’s legacy stick out like a Red Sox fan at Yankee Stadium.
One of the first things that comes to mind is a mostly-inconsequential tag team match from the 1994 Heat Wave pay-per-view. Cactus Jack and Terry Funk are teaming up against Public Enemy, the team that proved Paul Heyman can make fans cheer even the steamiest pile of dog crap.
And then, magic happened. Mick Foley calls for a chair from the crowd. That’s when the crowd at Philadelphia’s ECW Arena became part of the show…by showering the ring with dozens of chairs. The iconic moment was ripped off several times, in several companies, but it was never the same. This organic moment was one-of-a-kind is classic ECW. And it’s a moment that lives on to this day in countless highlight reels and retrospectives.
ECW was home to a lot of fun, crazy brawls. One that all ECW fans remember was between TV Champion Taz, and Bam Bam Bigelow. The match took place in Bigelow’s hometown of Asbury Park, New Jersey. And the hometown crowd was there to witness one of the most memorable bumps in ECW history. This one explains itself.
It wasn’t all about the violence in ECW. Well, it was. But, if you looked close enough, there was more. It was never more evident than when Paul Heyman called up Konnan, and introduced American wrestling fans to Lucha Libre.
Before WCW decided to bogart the style (and the best practitioners thereof), ECW was THE place to find fast-paced, athletic pro wrestling.
And you can’t mention a ECW Highlight Reel without bringing up RVD and Sabu. In their prime, these two guys put on some incredible, if sloppy, spotfests.
And then there were the promos… A bunch of guys who had been denied a chance to shine in the “big time,” given a live mic and a chance to speak their mind? ECW was full of them. And New Jack. But since this is a family-friendly wrestling blog, I’ll leave New Jack out of this. You’re welcome.
Now, a lot of people choose to ignore WWECW, and that’s their choice. But the One Night Stand pay-per-views did give us some special moments…
As Nick will talk about later today, it’s not for everyone. And even those who are fans, It’s not all perfect. In fact, most of it’s pretty far from it. But it’s all pretty memorable.
Over the course of seven days, there’s a lot of wrestling on TV. But only some of it is actually worth watching. That’s where Spoiler Alert comes in: we break down the spoilers of all of WWE’s pre-taped shows to let you know what you should watch, and which segments and full shows you should skim or skip. This week, Andy sits back and enjoys the build to Tables, Ladders & Chairs.
(spoilers via Wrestlezone.com)
Curtis Axel d Dolph Ziggler in what is probably a pretty good match. As long as they keep Curtis away from the mic, this should be really excellent. Axel is solid in the ring, but needs someone to make him look like he’s the second generation stud he’s supposed to be. Dolph Ziggler is definitely the guy for the job.
Natalya d Alicia Fox. They’ve been building Nattie up for a credible run with the Divas title, so this is probably little more than a quick squash. It doesn’t hurt that Alicia has improved over the years.
Xavier Woods & R-Truth d Tons of Funk when Brodus Clay starts arguing with Tensai. Woods continues to get face time with the fans, Brodus continues his heel turn, and the match ends in a logical, inoffensive way.
WATCH this show. Everything is story-and-character based. All of it matters. And it looks like the action should be pretty good, too.
(spoilers via ProWrestling.com)
Kaitlyn d Aksana. Man, they sure made a point to kill Kaitlyn, didn’t they? If you find either of these women attractive, then enjoy the show. The wrestling itself won’t be so pretty.
Los Matadores d 3MB. Yes, again. This time, 3MB was represented by Jinder and Drew. We’re sure El Torito did something the kids will enjoy. That’s the last of the nice things I have to say for this show.
SKIP THIS SHOW. Just do it. You’ll thank me.
(spoilers via Wrestlezone.com)
Daniel Bryan d Luke Harper & Erick Rowan by disqualification, in a 2-on-1 handicapped match. Bray attacks, but Bryan fights him off with a running knee. Bryan stands tall… which means he doesn’t have a chance at TLC.
The Real Americans d Goldust & Cody Rhodes in a non-title match. I’d be totally ok with Cesaro and Swagger playing the role of the Quebecers in 2K14 version of the Bret/Own split. They’re two very talented, very HUGE men, who are both fantastically underrated in the ring. They’re also joined by one of the best managers in wrestling today… so why not strike while the iron’s hot?
Bad News Barrett talks about the Slammy Awards. I’m ok with this. People are complaining, but they’re establishing a new character. Let them establish him before you demand he wrestle the same match, against the same midcarders, that made you sick of him the first time around.
Mark Henry d Damien Sandow by countout, with Intercontinental Champion Big E. Langston on commentary. I’d guess he didn’t get to see too much in this scouting mission.
John Cena makes an appearance, to talk about his TLC match with Randy Orton.
Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins d The Usos. Punk appears on the titantron after the match, guaranteeing victory at TLC. Maybe he hired a sniper.
Big Show d Ryback again. This time, they continued brawling, along with Curtis Axel and Rey Mysterio. I smell a filler tag match for TLC… oh, and a tag team nobody asked for: Mysterio and Big Show.
Kofi Kingston v Alberto Del Rio never happened, because Del Rio has a concussion. That, and Miz came out to give Kofi the Skull Crushing Finale. I guess that’s better than watching Del Rio beat Kofi for the hundredth time.
Randy Orton and Triple H kiss and make up after what happened in Raw’s awesome closing segment.
WATCH THIS SHOW. WWE is clicking on all cylinders heading into TLC. They’re putting on quality matches, and booking to logical storylines. Watch and enjoy it while it lasts.
After having so much fun with the stables last month in celebration of the Survivor Series, we’ve decided to turn this December — and all Decembers in perpetuity — into Promotions Month. This week we have Paul Heyman’s Extreme Championship Wrestling. This is the First Day of #ECWWeek, the fifteenth installment of our (patent-pending) Juice Make Sugar Wrestler of the Week Series. As (almost) always, we’ll start by making ECW a Promotion You (Should) Probably Know Better. Tomorrow, we’ll give you the finer points of the company’s oeuvre with some Essential Viewings. On Wednesday, we’ll discussing the idea of ECW and Another Fan’s Treasure. After Hump Day we’ll be quenching your thirst for Listicles with a Juice Make Sugar Top 10 List, before summing everything with a “Difference of Opinion” that will likely be closer to a “Difference in Levels of Disdain”. Let’s get Extreme?
There’s no such thing as indifference when it comes to Extreme Championship Wrestling. It’s a promotion that many fans choose to look back on through rose-colored glasses, as the company that changed the face of wrestling. Nearly as many consider it the group that ruined it. They’re both probably right.
ECW started generating buzz with wrestling fans far before it went extreme. Eastern Championship Wrestling had a reputation for strong shows, amazing athleticism, and of course, some wild brawls. And where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
Enter Paul Heyman—with a giant can of gasoline.
Paul Heyman and his group of circus freaks did everything they could to turn the volume up to 11, and get the attention of the wrestling world. It worked. Violent, bloody brawls. Colorful but (mostly) believable — or in the case of Amish Roadkill, so completely non-sequitur that it didn’t matter — gimmicks. Logical storylines.
The company grew to amazing heights, despite ultimately appealing to an incredible small niche — fans of “hardcore” or “garbage” wrestling. Some will say that ECW was more than that, and it was for a short period, but make no mistake: ECW’s shadow did as much damage to the careers of people like Chris Jericho and Dean Malenko as ECW the company helped the careers of people like Chris Jericho and Dean Malenko by bringing them into the American spotlight in the first place.
But it wasn’t all bad, and ECW’s unique (to American audiences, anyways) style helped save American wrestling. The then-WWF was having extreme difficulty finding its identity in post-Hulk Hogan world in 1995 and 1996, struggling to catch up to WCW in the wrestling war. WWF couldn’t touch the nWo. The rough style and risque promos it stole from a little promotion in Philadelphia helped turn business around.
Less-than-PG matches and promos made legends of a million promos in WWE. Triple H went from midcard to main event thanks to the crude antics of D-Generation X and Mick Foley will never escape the clip of him being thrown from the Hell in a Cell through a table no matter how many New York Times best sellers he writes. Forget Austin 3:16—Austin passing out to the Sharpshooter, while wearing a crimson mask, made him a star. The list goes on.
Without ECW’s influence, WWF might not have survived. Considering WCW’s awful business practices bankrupted the company a few years later, pro wrestling as we know it now could have died more than a decade ago. Instead, ECW gave WWF an identity to call its own, and to grow upon. In a way, ECW saved WWF. ECW saved pro wrestling, at least when it wasn’t trying to destroy it.
While the land of extreme may have provided an unintentional safe haven for the pro wrestling industry, it was anything but for pro wrestlers. Extreme Championship Wrestling introduced a lot of dangerous trends to American pro wrestling, pro wrestlers, and pro wrestling fans. Crazy bumps and “extreme” violence stopped being special, and became commonplace. A Muta-level blade job became just another spot. Proper selling went out the window, in exchange for rapid-fire spot exchanges (still the norm on the indies). And in a post-Benoit world, we don’t need to go too far in depth on the consequences of too many unprotected chair shots and undiagnosed head injuries.
ECW made all of this commonplace, to a dangerous degree. To quote JMS Internet Technician Daron “Action” Jackson, those unprotected chair shots became the equivalent of dropkicks, and fans forgot how to appreciate good, technical wrestling. They started refusing rest holds, or any slowdown in the action whatsoever. It familiarized the crowd with three of the most offensive chants in all of professional wrestling: “you can’t wrestle,” “you fucked up,” and “boring.” ECW ruined pro wrestling – and its fans. It’s taken nearly a decade (and a lot of PG programming) to reverse the damage done at the ECW Arena.
ECW had its pros and cons, ups and downs, stars and flops. And despite catering to a very niche audience, the company’s impact on pro wrestling was vast and pervasive. While that impact helped to revive a mainstream love of pro wrestling, it also did irreparable damage to the industry, the workers and the fans.
It’s why fans look back on the company with, pardon the pun, such extreme feelings. It’s easy to love the group that changed the face of pro wrestling and brought genuine excitement to the product. And it’s just as easy to loathe the promotion that helped teach pro wrestling fans to hate professional wrestling.
It’s always amazing to see how much certain wrestling fans truly hate their theatrical sport of choice. If they’re not getting what they want, these fans explode about what WWE should be doing. When they get exactly what they want, they complain that the angle is being hot-shotted, or just botched in general.
Take, for example, the midcard. Fans have long cried out for a need to rebuild the midcard, and to make the matches matter. Give the guys a reason to fight, instead of just having them fight. You may have noticed, lately, a lot of tag guys and lower card guys are actually getting over, and it’s not a coincidence.
People also cried for new talent. The Shield, The Wyatts, Cesaro, Fandango, and so many others say hello.
2 weeks ago, WWE attempted to rebuild a floundering mid-card tag team, while also introducing and establishing a promising new talent.
And it was brilliant.
A week after he was introduced to the mainstream audience, Xavier Woods came out with Brodus Clay’s dancers – and his theme song. A few days later, Big Brodie was PISSED that the young guy was stealing his gimmick – and his spot on the show. It immediately established Woods as a relatable underdog, and set the wheels in motion for a long overdue Brodus Clay heel turn. It also set up a series of matches where Clay gets to finally work like the big man he is, and let the crowd get behind Xavier.
So naturally, the internet drops trou’ and declares this a big ol’ steamy pile of wrestlecrap.
Are you kidding me?
I didn’t see many complaints about Woods, but man do people have a problem with Brodus Clay. In particular, people hate him for declaring himself a “main event player,” in comparison to a rookie like Woods. Apparently, these folks would rather have Clay declare himself a jobber, or a failed comedy gimmick, than try to sell himself and sell the feud. And since when do heels have an accurate opinion of themselves? Part of what makes them heels is the disconnect between reality and what they say reality is.
Which makes me think that the people complaining have never actually watched professional wrestling. Story lines like this one are almost literally Wrestling 101, and everything that is right about the business: It uses established undercard monsters (Clay and Tensai) as a platform to introduce a new character (Woods) using a clear and obvious size disparity and they’ve attached him to an established babyface (Truth) to make sure the fans cheer the new guy by association. Even if it didn’t do all that, it would still be using two babyfaces to take two floundering guys, and give them new life as bad ass heels.Whether or not the internet likes it, this angle is already a success.
Not only does it work, it shows that WWE could take its “future future endeavors” list and create some midcard stars. There are a bunch of unused (or underused) guys who have been on TV – who could be used a lot better. In no particular order- David Otunga, JTG, Ezekiel Jackson, Mason Ryan, Ricardo Rodriguez, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, Evan Bourne…
Let’s start with JTG. Right now, he’s dead in the water, but it wasn’t always that way. He was OVER as a member of Cryme Tyme. And he’s been off TV long enough that you could easily revive the gimmick, and retcon his miserable singles run.
There’s only one problem. His former tag team partner thinks he’s an actor now, and isn’t coming back. My solution? Since Mason Ryan would be busy with my next idea, I’d team him up with Ezekiel Jackson. JTG did all the work in the original team, and let Shad take the hot tag. That would work just fine here.
And if you’re trying to recapture Cryme Tyme magic in 2014, give them a high-powered attorney who keeps them out of trouble. There’s a certain Harvard Law grad floating around who could use something to do. Unless Mr. Hudson Otunga is busy, that is.
Just like that – you’ve got an undercard tag team that, if nothing else, could be used to build teams like The Real Americans and Tons of Funk for tag title shots. And you’ve given them a Teflon gimmick with a charismatic manager to boot.
Zack Ryder has a segment of fans that love him. Right or wrong, they’re going to chant “we want Ryder” at live events—especially in the northeast. So cash in on it, using some other talented guys with nothing to do.
How? The FBI.
ECW fans will remember the original incarnation of the Full Blooded Italians. They’ll also remember that half the stable wasn’t Italian. Hell, some members weren’t even white. But that didn’t stop the group from parading around as a family of tough-guy Italians.
Re-use that formula here, but with Ryder leading a group of quasi-Long Island douche bags. Curt Hawkins is still under contract, right? Evan Bourne could easily fit the bill, given enough hair gel. Mason Ryan could be the group’s muscle. Better yet, Zack’s famous cronie The Big O is coming along quite nicely in NYWC. And a fake-Italian/guido stable would be far more productive than anything else Yoshi Tatsu is up to. Team them up as the L.I.E., and make it stand for whatever you want it to. Then feud them with Santino. Sell a lot of t-shirts.
A lot of people love Ricardo Rodriguez. He’s funny, he’s charismatic—and he can work. The only problem is, it’s been established that he’s little more than a punching bag in a bowtie. Now, in fairness, WWE did set him up for a future return and legitimate run, saying that he was moving to the WWE Performance Center to learn how to wrestle. But I have a better idea.
Use Ricardo Rodriguez as your next masked luchadore. Call him anything BUT El Local.
Give him a gimmick, a back story, and the chance to get over as a legitimate wrestler. If it fails… he’ll always be Ricardo Rodriguez.
Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel were a good little “London & Kendrick” kinda tag team, until Kidd got hurt. Now he’s back, and neither guy is doing squat. Team ‘em up and let ‘em go.
No, seriously, that’s it. Just let these guys wrestle.
I could go on, but I think you get my point.
Of course, not every gimmick is going to work out. Sometimes, a silly rapper gimmick turns into the biggest superstar in wrestling. Sometimes it’s Slam Master J and nobody remembers you at all. Maybe Bad News Barrett turns into a main event gimmick. Maybe it’s a “Just Joe” afterthought. Who knows?
Not everyone makes it to the top. But you can be a success without being number one and it wouldn’t hurt to give some guys a chance to grow as performers and connect with the crowd. It certainly isn’t hurting Brodus Clay, Tensai, Xavier Woods and R-Truth to have a shot at something meaningful. The proof is in the crowd reactions, and given enough time, the merch sales. And WORST case scenario, every roster needs a 3MB.
I hear and read a lot of complaints about Cena and Orton staying on top of the show, a decade after they took over. You want that to end? Someone else needs to get a shot—and everyone has to start somewhere.
Over the course of seven days, there’s a lot of wrestling on TV. But only some of it is actually worth watching. That’s where Spoiler Alert comes in: we break down the spoilers of all of WWE’s pre-taped shows to let you know what you should watch, and which segments and full shows you should skim or skip. This week, Andy starts planning what he’ll do with the time he would have spent watching Main Event and Smackdown.
This was the advertised main event for this one, and I have a strange feeling it’s not going to deliver. Goldy wins by DQ when Curtis Axel interferes. Cody gets involved too. I’m sure this is building to a tag title match for the least-over team in the company, but let’s face it. WWE is desperate for this Ryback-Axel pairing to work. Axel needs heat, and Ryback needs to work with more talented guys. Unfortunately, the only time anyone cares about these two is when Ryback lifts a giant, or when the crowd decides to chant for a guy who hasn’t been relevant in a decade.
The Usos d 3MB
Jinder and Drew are representing 3MB here. No idea what gimmick they’ll be representing, but I’m sure it’ll be fun. The Usos are almost always fantastic, and this should essentially be a showcase for them. The best current team never to hold the tag titles keeps on impressing.
Damien Sandow d R-Truth
In a logically-booked world, this match becomes an overbooked cluster-f featuring run-ins from Dolph Ziggler, Brodus Clay, Tensai, and Xavier Woods. You know, because all those guys are currently intertwined in the storylines. Maybe it happens, or maybe it’s just a simple match that Sandow wins. I don’t know, because nobody seems to have any detailed spoilers. Way to go, Tulsa. This is why we can’t have nice things.
SKIP this show. Yeah, sure, there is some decent talent on the card… but no one is doing anything interesting. The only match on the show that matters is building toward a title match no one wants to see. Spend this hour watching South Park re-runs and preparing for the latest new episode.
…in the dark match, that is. Tyson, your 2-week push is officially over. If you want more TV time, I suggest cheating on Natalya during a Total Divas taping.
Randy Orton says he’s going to beat John Cena at TLC, and apologizes to The Authority for being a big jerk on Monday. Daniel Bryan says he should be apologizing for being a bogus champion. Under wrestling law, they must fight tonight.
Big E Langston d Fandango in a nontitle match.
Bad News Barrett says some things. No idea what kind of things, but I’m sure they’re delightful. No, seriously.
Kofi Kingston vs Alberto Del Rio never happens, because Del Rio murders Kofi before the match. I suppose the Miz was busy making straight-to-DVD movies.
The Shield talked about murdering CM Punk, and teased some dissension.
Ryback & Curtis Axel d Cody Rhodes & Goldust in a nontitle match. They’re seriously building to a title match here. Ryback and Axel have done NOTHING to earn a title match, mind you, but they’re getting one. Not the unstoppable Usos. Not the popular Prime Time Players. Not the heat-magnet Real Americans. The so-called team who have maybe wrestled a half-dozen matches together.
CM Punk d Dean Ambrose in a nontitle match. Reports are this was a good match. Punk tweeted that he shit himself during the match. Just like that, you have two reasons to watch.
Natalya d Tamina Snuka, which probably qualifies her for a Divas title match at TLC.
Big Show & Rey Mysterio d The Real Americans I’ll allow it, but only if Rey Mysterio takes a giant swing from Cesaro.
Randy Orton d Daniel Bryan with the RKO. Bray Wyatt appears on the screen, inviting Bryan to join the family.
SKIM this show. It definitely doesn’t seem like it’s worth 2 hours of your time (welcome back, Michael Hayes!) That said, I would not miss Punk-Ambrose or Orton-Bryan. Everything else? Grab the remote.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: WWE has been clicking on almost all cylinders lately. It’s like the writers and the roster got into “Wrestlemania Mode” much earlier than usual. And while it’s not all perfect, everyone seems to have a role they can play to near-perfection. I’d go so far as to say it’s the best utilization of the main roster since the Attitude Era.
If you can ignored the ever-half-assed booking of the divas, and a few things that haven’t been given time to flesh out (like the Tons of Funk v Truth/Woods story kicking off tonight on Smackdown), it’s pretty clear that everything is happening for a reason. Every match, every promo, everything is building toward an endgame. WWE is doing its best to build its shows now, while building its next big stars. WWE needs to find its next Cena, Sheamus, Punk, and Batista.
That’s why it’s so frustrating to hear fans complain about the treatment of Daniel Bryan.
The soon-to-be Mr. Brie Bella has a lot going his way. He main evented a couple of pay-per-views. And even though they were disappointingly-short, he has two WWE title reigns under his belt. He’ll always be a former WWE Champion. And, perhaps more importantly, he’ll always be a man who beat John Cena, clean, in the middle of the ring, to win the WWE title.
Lots of fans seem to have forgotten that Daniel Bryan was at the top of the card. All they see now is that Bryan is teaming up with Punk to take on “the new guys.”
Those guys – The Wyatt Family – just so happen to be the hottest new thing in wrestling, but that gets ignored. “WWE is treating Daniel Bryan like a jobber!”
Except no, they absolutely are not. WWE knows Daniel Bryan is a star. That’s why they’re teaming him up with the guy with the 434-day title reign, who calls himself “The best in the world.” That’s why they went over in their pay-per-view title match. That’s why he’s trusted to take two talented-but-unknown wrestlers, and make them stars.
WWE fans see Daniel Bryan as legitimate. Some saw it when he made his NXT debut, and his return against the Nexus. Others knew it when he won the World Heavyweight title, and more caught on as his reign went on. Those who didn’t know learned real quick when The American Dragon pinned Cena at Summerslam.
Like it or not, though, WWE fans see Orton as legitimate, too. Listen to the fans react to him over the last few weeks on Raw. He’s over as a crazy heel, and he deserves to be WWE Champion.Along with Cena, he’s one of the two biggest stars in the last decade. It’s why they’re the two guys in the title unification angle. He’s a legitimate superstar, who deserves his spot.
So is Bryan, and WWE is acknowledging that. He’s treated like a world-class wrestler. The announcers acknowledge the crowd’s adoration. The fans flock to the merch table. WWE responded with what some see as a burial, but what may actually be the most important role on the roster.
Legitimizing future stars.
Erick Rowan is okay, but Luke Harper is an absolute beast in the ring. He’s a physical monster who can actually wrestle a solid match. His matches with Punk and Bryan have proven it. And you may not have noticed it, but Bryan has gone over in most of those matches, making Harper look like a beast in the process. Everyone gets over. Everyone looks good.
Some burial.
Back in the territory days, the traveling NWA champion would come into each territory, and defend the strap against the local promotion’s top guy. He rarely lost. But the local name would take the champ to the limit, and either slip on the proverbial banana peel, or fall to heel tactics. The champ keeps his spot, and the local name keeps his heat.
Bryan may not have the belt, but in this scenario, he’s the NWA Champion. Luke Harper is the local territory’s guy, getting the rub from a big star. Bryan won’t suffer from it, and can go wrestle Sting or Harley or whoever next week, and still be a top draw. He’s not being buried. He’s building the next top draw.
Nobody seems to mind CM Punk doing the same thing for The Shield, but I digress.
For a decade, people have bitched and moaned at the “LOL Cena wins” trope. Yeah, we get it, he overcomes the odds and never sells anything. Yeah, we get it, he’s the top guy and nobody ever poses a challenge. You’re getting the exact opposite here.
Bryan, a top guy, is taking some lumps to get an awesome mid-card stable to the next level. It’s the way wrestling is supposed to work. And like it or not, it’s the best way to get talent over.
Keep one thing in mind. WWE is finally giving us (the internet wrestling fans) what we’ve been begging for. Fresh new acts helping establish other fresh acts, developing the next batch of legitimate superstars. Unless you want another 20 years of “LOL Cena wins,” you might want to learn to enjoy getting exactly what you asked for.
Over the course of seven days, there’s a lot of wrestling on TV. But only some of it is actually worth watching. That’s where Spoiler Alert comes in: we break down the spoilers of all of WWE’s pre-taped shows to let you know what you should watch, and which segments and full shows you should skim or skip. This week, WWE lays the groundwork for some questionable storylines, and hopes you can stomach a holiday-themed Smackdown!
I’d be willing to bet this is a pay-per-view quality match. These are two of the most talented guys on the roster, even if they’re not in the roles they should be. Del Rio needs someone who can make him look like a vicious killer, and Ziggler sells like a madman… this is good booking.
Damien Sandow d Santino
Reports say this one is a simple squash, which is unfortunate for Santino. That said, Sandow really needs some wins, and a loss will never hurt Santino. That said, I’d rather see this match get 10 minutes on Raw, with the same outcome.
TRIPLE FREAKING H makes a rare Main Event appearance. The King of Kings cuts a promo backstage, saying he wants one WWE Champion, and to unify the belts. I like this, because it’s something important happening on an “unimportant” show, completely separate from the immediate legitimacy Triple H’s presence already adds to the show.
Kofi Kingston d Fandango
This match can only serve one purpose- to further the feud between Kofi and The Miz. Hopefully The Miz is on commentary (said no one, ever) so he can help push the feud on the mic.
SKIM this show. Del Rio-Ziggler should be great. The Sandow match is totally inconsequential. Triple H will be a special “A-Show” treat on the C-program, and Kingston-Miz is a solid mid-card feud in the making,
Hey, remember Superstars? Apparently, it airs Fridays on Hulu Plus. This week’s show was taped before Raw on Long Island, which means the crowd had to be REALLY hot for…
Zack Ryder d Fandango
Long Island loves Zack Ryder. If he’s not on the show, the crowd chants “We Want Ryder!” all friggin’ night – so WWE got his appearance out of the way early. If these guys are smart, they went Memphis for this bad boy. The crowd is going to be hot either way, and it’s early in the show – take it easy and use the crowd to tell your story.
The Usos d The Real Americans
A friend at the show said this match was really good. Considering who’s involved, I have no problem believing it. Hopefully the crowd is just as good.
SKIM this show. Watch or skip the opener, depending on your feelings on the guys involved. But there’s no excuse to miss The Usos vs Cesaro & Swagger, on a show where they probably spent 15 minutes having an awesome match.
Randy Orton & Renee Young are in the ring, forcing Nick to watch the opening segment. (Editor’s Note: He’s right.) Orton brags about Survivor Series but walks out when asked about TLC. Apparently, we won’t be talking about that OTHER World Champion.
Vickie Guerrero is hosting a Thanksgiving-themed eating competition backstage. If this doesn’t end with her wearing a face-full of mashed potatoes, then I just don’t know wrestling anymore.
Mark Henry d Curtis Axel. Quick match, with Big E Langston and Ryback ringside. I hope this is leading somewhere. 4-way for the title at TLC?
Titus O’Neil wins the eating competition. Millions of drumsticks, millions of drumsticks. For some reason, victory here earns him a match against Antonio Cesaro, later in the broadcast.
Los Matadores & El Torito d The Plymouth Rockers
Get it? Because it’s Thanksgiving. Prepare to watch a midget bull take out three dudes dressed as pilgrims.
Tons of Funk d R-Truth & Xavier Woods
Apparently, Brodus Clay was upset that Woods stole his theme song, back-up dancers, and spot on TV. The only way I’m ok with putting the floundering joke of a babyface tag team over the fresh talent from NXT will be if Clay and Sweet-T are turning heel. But even then, there’s nowhere for them to go. They’re not surpassing The Shield, The Wyatt Family, or The Real Americans. They need to legitimize Woods – not have him squashed by the fat jobber tag team.
Bray Wyatt says Daniel Bryan is safe with him. He says Bryan entered a man, but will leave a monster. I’m ok with this.
CM Punk and Renee Young are in the ring. Nick turns up his TV. The Punker says he hasn’t heard from Daniel Bryan since he was kidnapped by the Wyatts. He says he doesn’t know why The Shield attacked him on Raw… but thinks maybe they’re following orders from The Authority.
Antonio Cesaro d Titus O’Neil by DQ, when Darren Young interferes. Yes, the heel won by DQ when the face tag partner interfered. After the match, Titus pukes in JBL’s cowboy hat (HE ATE TOO MUCH. GET IT?), and puts the hat on Michael Cole’s head. Then he pukes on Zeb. Little kids go nuts. Everyone else reaches for the remote.
Goldust & Cody Rhodes d Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns in a tag title match. The Rhodes boys win by DQ when Dean Ambrose interferes. Punk comes out to clear house with a chair. Then Vickie Guerrero comes out, and channels the spirit of Teddy Long.
Goldust, Cody Rhodes & CM Punk vs The Shield ends in a no contest when the lights go out. The Wyatts are in the ring when they come back on. The Usos and Rey Mysterio come out to even the odds. Vickie comes back out once again, Playa, leading to….
Goldust, Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio & The Usos d The Shield & The Wyatt Family.
This cluster-f ends when Mysterio hits the 619 on Erick Rowan, who then eats a GTS from CM Punk. Crowd goes home happy.
SKIM this show. The tag team gauntlet of exponential growth sounds fun. The Tons of Funk-Truth/Woods angle could turn into something. Same with the IC title picture. Everything else sounds like painful holiday show filler. DVR is your friend.
There’s a lot to like right now in WWE. It’s not perfect, by any means. There will always be talented and popular guys waiting in the midcard, for a push that never comes.
That said, there seem to be a lot more hits than misses these days. In 2013, Big Show feels hot and fresh. THAT’s telling. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are making the Wyatts look amazing. The Shield is still awesome, while slowly building a handful of storylines. Big E Langston just became a star. The Usos are moving up. Even 3MB have been refreshed.
Like it or not, the midcard hasn’t been so good since the Attitude Era. Same goes for title credibility. Don’t believe me? Go back and listen to the pop when Big E Langston beat Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Title. Go back and listen to the pop when the Rhodes boys beat The Shield for the tag straps. Fast forward to the next US, World, or WWE title change. More of the same.
Then there’s the Divas division.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had less respect for women’s wrestling, or pro wrestling in general, than I did this Monday. AJ Lee versus Vickie Guerrero in a 5 minute segment that was four-and-a-half minutes too long, and a dozen girls playing musical chairs.
MUSICAL CHAIRS. ON LIVE TV. ON A LIVE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING SHOW.
Abysmal. Even JBL spoke up, declaring the segment “the worst thing we’ve ever done.” I’d be hard-pressed to disagree.
Keep in mind, this televised abortion was supposed to convince you to do two things: watch Total Divas, and pay to watch Survivor Series. You know, that’s the show where Natalya, Cameron, Naomi, The Bellas, JoJo and Eva Maria will take on AJ Lee, Tamina Snuka, Kaitlyn, Rosa, Summer Rae, Aksana and Alicia Fox.
Yes, AJ and Kaitlyn are on the same team. And yes, Eva Maria is wrestling on pay-per-view, despite having wrestled in a grand total of THREE matches. JoJo just had her first match. Rosa Mendez has been around for years and STILL looks totally helpless whenever she gets anywhere near a wrestling ring.
The division is a mess. Only half the women (at best) can wrestle a respectable match. The characters have zero continuity, at least when the women are lucky enough to HAVE characters. With the exception of AJ Lee, the division as a whole is a total channel-changer.
MEANWHILE, IN ORLANDO….
As is mentioned once a week by my fellow Juice Make Sugar fanboys, NXT is probably WWE’s number 2 show. Unintentionally, of course, but it’s fantastic. Hungry young talents. Bold, vibrant characters. Matches that let these young guys and girls show off, and try to make a name for themselves.
All with WWE’s top-of-the-line production.
Watch any episode of NXT on Hulu. In fact, watch every episode of NXT on Hulu. When you do, DON’T skip the women’s match. You’d regret it—because of both the action, and the characters.
Emma is money. Dig up her match teaming with Santino against Fandango and Summer Rae. She’s GOLD. When she said that WWE stands for “World Wrestling Emmatainment,” I was sold. I need this girl on my TV, and so do you.
Summer Rae is everything Kelly Kelly should have been. Beautiful, talented, and charismatic as hell. JBL calls her Mrs. Fandango, but I call her the future Mrs. Angry Andy.
Bayley is fun. To put it simply, she’s a female fan-boy. Oh, and she can SELL. Most of the main-roster divas don’t know what that means.
Paige can be a star.
Sasha Banks is a great Layla to Summer’s Michelle McCool. Needs work in the ring, but there’s potential.
Charlotte is still new, but she’s already showing some serious athletic potential, and glimpses of her dad’s natural charisma. She’s already better than her brother, David Flair could have ever dreamt to be.
Not to mention the woman training these future divas, Sara Del Rey, is a world-class wrestler in her own right.
There is incredible talent on the roster, it’s just not being utilized. And that begs one very serious question.
If this kind of talent exists, and is just waiting to be used, why does WWE give us MUSICAL CHAIRS instead?
The short answer isn’t very satisfying, but it is pretty simple. WWE doesn’t care about good wrestling, at least when it comes to the girls. WWE cares about marketing and making money. For whatever reason, Vince & Co think that a bunch of untalented women playing musical chairs is best for business. It doesn’t matter where you see talent. All that matters is where Vince and Co. see dollar signs.
So how do we get good quality women’s wrestling, without sacrificing production quality?
Number one, watch on Hulu. Make your friends watch, too. Rewatch good episodes. Show WWE that there is a market for this brand of wrestling. Without an audience, and a way to monetize the product, there’s no reason to build it any bigger than it is now.
Number two, Tweet. Tweet a lot. WWE cares about social media more than it should. It judges its TV shows not by Nielsen ratings, but by social media scores. Tweet Emma, or Paige, or Bayley, or Summer. Don’t be creepy, but show your support, and let it be known that you want what these girls have to offer. In WWE, trending is profit. Use it to your advantage.
Fight for the brand of wrestling you actually want to watch. It got us CM Punk and Daniel Bryan in the main event. It got us Antonio Cesaro. Pretty soon, it will get us guys like Adrian Neville, Sami Zayn and Solomon Crowe. The same strategy could bring us Emma, Paige and Bayley.
Unless, of course, you’d prefer musical chairs to talented women wrestling. If the most mediocre of women’s wrestlers failing to improve is your thing, enjoy Raw.
I’ll hold out hope for the future…. But I won’t hold my breath.
Over the course of seven days, there’s a lot of wrestling on TV. But only some of it is actually worth watching. That’s where I come in: break down the spoilers of all of WWE’s pre-taped shows to let you know what you should watch, and which segments and full shows you should skim or skip. This week, WWE does its best to convince you Survivor Series is still a major event.
This was a Lumberjill match, so you already know how this one’s gonna go: paint-by-numbers. That said, considering who’s in the ring for this one, it could still be alright…albeit a cheap build-up for the 7-on-7 Divas match at Survivor Series.
Alberto Del Rio d Santino
It’s the old Sheamus approach. Let him talk on the main shows, and look like an absolute beast on the B-shows. A loss to a guy like Del Rio will NEVER hurt Santino. This is good, simple, effective booking.
Fandango d Kofi Kingston
Newly-heel Miz was on commentary for this one, costing Kofi the match. These two are set to do battle on the pre-show of this Sunday’s Survivor Series card. I don’t know why you build a new feud and relegate it to the pre-show. I’m also not sure why Kofi couldn’t go over here, making him look credible against the guy who NEEDS to beat him this Sunday. Especially since a loss doesn’t really hurt Fandango.
WATCH this show. The action will be good, and all of it builds to this Sunday’s pay-per-view.
This was a tag team title match. If this was given proper time, it better be great.
Ryback d The Great Khali
Khali answered Ryback’s open challenge. I guess they’re trying to let Ryback get his heat back, after Big Show made him look like a chump on Raw.
Cameron & Naomi d AJ Lee
Vickie booked this handicap match, as revenge for Raw. Somebody call her mama.
Rey Mysterio & The Usos d The Shield
Yeah, you read that correctly. Two things: this probably means the Shield is going to DESTROY the Usos at Survivor Series, and I really hope they protected Mysterio. He’s SO broken.
Big E Langston & Dolph Ziggler d Curtis Axel & Damien Sandow
Former friends turned Summerslam opponents have reunited…in a throwaway tag match on Smackdown. While I understand this match is designed to continue the E/Axel and Ziggler/Sandow feuds, they didn’t need this match. Big E has surpassed Ziggler. What a difference a couple of months can make.
Prime Time Players d “The Fabulous 3-Birds”
To me, 3MB’s are the new Matt Hardy: Version 1. They’re talented guys who were floundering. Their new gimmick, though, keeps you waiting to see what’s going to happen when they come out. Instead of Matt Facts, it’s the gimmick of the week. It lets them keep a little bit of heat, while putting over guys like the PTPs, who really need some legitimate wins.
Daniel Bryan d Luke Harper
These guys work well together, so this should be great. Punk comes down after the match to attack Harper, and the faces get straight-up murdered by the Wyatts. Not sure why the rest of the face team was too busy to make the save, but hey, Punk and Bryan make amazing underdogs.
WATCH this show. Just like Main Event, it’s all mostly-logical booking building to this Sunday’s show.
Juice Make Sugar: #InternetWrestlingWriting for people who like the circus. 