The +/- #’s: Impact Wrestling, 12/5

In hockey, basketball, and other sports I’m sure I’m forgetting, individual players are held accountable for their team’s performance during their time in the game through the plus/minus statistic. This week, as ever, this Impact review will attempt to score each segment as a hit (+1; a superior match or well-executed story-building segment), a miss (-1; offensive to the eyes or ears), or a push (+0; wholly acceptable, but nothing memorable) in order to find an overall rating to the show. This week, for the first time, however, Dave’ll be doing his best to explain his reasons behind the score. 

Seg 1: Kurt Angle/Magnus Promo Exchange

Thoughts: Kurt Angle’s had so many head injuries in his career that all his promos sound like he just got a head injury.

Magnus needs to stop hedging and turn heel. Talking about having heart and desire in promos isn’t at all consistent with his in-ring actions in what was supposed to be a star-making vehicle against Sting at BFG.

Roode cut a solid heel promo, but the best part was the closing line when he told Magnus he will “never ever be World Heavyweight Champion.” Mangus sold being legitimately insulted, too, which made it even better.

Jeff Hardy starting his own “Hardy” chant was awkward on a lot of levels, most notably: If TNA had booked one of the most over wrestlers of the last 15 years with any competence at all, fans would pop for him on their own. On the other hand, can we already go back to blaming the Orlando crowd for not being into anything?

Score: +0

Reasons: None of these promos were home runs — heck, Roode only hit a double. With that said, Impact opened with a segment that featured wrestlers promoting the two big matches on the card without any authority figure meddling. That’s a good, rare thing these days.

Seg 2: Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode — Tables Match

Thoughts: A few minutes into the match, Hardy bumped right onto his head on a short-armed clothesline from Roode. It looked really scary, and the announcers threw to a replay, suggesting he took an awkward amount of time live to recover. Things got even worse when Hardy crashed and burned on a Whisper in the Wind attempt on the next spot. If Hardy starts respecting his body more, he’ll be able to make money wrestling for many years. If he doesn’t, he won’t.

Hardy and Roode simultaneously bumping through the table from the apron was very well-timed. If that spot had gone wrong, it would have made for a really awkward decision: call for the bell on the fly, possibly changing the finish, or pretend it looked good. Lucky, it looked great, preventing what could have been a bad situation. Also, it was a nice, logical spot to throw to commercial on, rather than cutting away in the middle of in-ring action.

The finish on this match was great in that the right man won, and he did it in an original way. Hardy had already hit the Swanton and the Twist, so finishing on the mule kick off the apron felt fresher than “here’s my finisher again!”

Score: +1

Reasons: Strong TV match between a great babyface and a great heel. Several good spots throughout with a clean, different finish.

Seg 3: Ethan Carter III vs. Earl Hebner (yes, you read that right)

Thoughts: Based on the tight shot of Carter during his promo, it’s safe to say that all his “You suck” heat came out of an extra large can of Goldberg Brand Canned Heat.

This segment was an awful, awful idea, but you know what the worst part of it was? No babyface wrestler came out to stop EC3 from being a gigantic jerk wasting the fans’ time. As I said in my preview, whoever’s booking this angle thinks they’re being “old school” by building Carter on an island separated from any real wrestlers, but that strategy has already cost the character valuable heat. On this trajectory, EC3 will never become a heat magnet, just a channel up button.

Score: -1

Reasons: This whole segment felt like a pre-intermission house show bit, and a bad one at that.

Seg 4: A Collection of Short Promos/Vignettes

Thoughts: The Sam Shaw vignette was really, really good. It successfully made me, a faithful but fairly jaded TNA fan, excited to see more. Shaw actually came across as a decent actor in the segment, and Hemme’s been defined as just a ring announcer for so long that the idea of her actually being involved in an angle seems fresh and intriguing.

Roode’s promo, while short, was a nice touch too. Too often, wrestlers lose an important match and then move onto the next thing with no further thought. It’s good to see TNA actually take care of one of their top characters after a big loss.

The time dedicated to Dixie Carter would have been far better spent as an extra thirty seconds for either Shaw or Roode. Obviously TNA’s writers feel obligated to give their boss X minutes per episode.

Score: +0

Reasons: Cheers to Shaw and Roode. Jeers to Dixie.

Seg 5: Bad Influence “Expose” Joseph Park

Thoughts: Bad Influence have been one of the most consistent, and consistently strong, acts in TNA since they came together. With that said, being involved with Joseph Park so long has really dragged them down.

After 10 minutes of peeking through my fingers at the TV for fear the awfulness of this segment might blind me like some kind of solar eclipse of shit, I suddenly realized that this whole exchange solved absolutely NOTHING other than set up a match with Eric Young in it.

Score: -1

Reasons: I haven’t cringed so much during a wrestling segment since Claire Lynch. I usually complain when story lines are dropped with no explanation, but this Joseph Park mess was the time to do it. Every time they tease that they’re going to end the angle, I get hopefully optimistic, and every week they just kick the can down the road.

Seg 6: World Tag Team Champions The BroMans vs. GunStorm

Thoughts: The BroMans exist in this existential singularity where I can’t tell if I really hate them or if they’re just good heels.

This match had some solid mid-card action, which was exactly what this episode of Impact was in desperate need of.

The finish of this match was predictably awful. I can never decide if that’s better or worse than an unpredictably awful finish.

Score: +0

Reasons: Watchable midcard match, but nothing special. A solid step down the path for both The BroMans as champions and GunStorm heading toward a breakup.

Seg 7: Knockouts Champion Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis

Thoughts: Gail Kim’s real-life husband, Robert Irvine (of Food Network fame), heeling in Kim’s pre-match promo was fantastic. It’s good to know that heels are married to other heels. This actually felt like a nice “cable-level celebrity” rub for Impact, as Irvine is, in his own way, a very well-established TV character.

Dennis’ offense was mostly punch-kick, but her timing was good, which resulted in the smoothest and most watchable Gail Kim challenge match to date.

ODB’s save looked really good. She came to the ring hot and put together fast-paced offense without looking even slightly blown up. Her clothesline of Tapa over the top rope successfully made her look like a threat to the Kim/Tapa empire.

Score: +1

Reasons: Another watchable match that actually enhanced Gail Kim as champion, and a strong return for ODB. Also, the Robert Irvine heel turn put The Knockouts over the top this week.

Seg 8: Magnus vs. Kurt Angle — Last Man Standing Match

Thoughts: This match had some decent action, especially from Magnus, but Kurt Angle’s limitations are getting harder and harder to hide.

Roode’s interference felt like the ultimate copout. This finish will help Roode’s ongoing feud with Angle, but it didn’t do a thing for Magnus who this tournament is supposed to build up as the next main event star in TNA.

This was a good enough match, but it honestly didn’t feel as “main event” as the opener between Hardy and Roode. Angle has a well-established reputation, but I think both matches would have benefitted from this match happening in the first hour and Roode/Hardy main eventing.

Score: +0

Reasons: This match was fine for what it was, but not anything special. A clean win for Magnus would have been a +1, but this match wasn’t good enough to make up for such a bad finish.

OVERALL +/- SCORE FOR 12/3 EDITION OF IMPACT: +0

Final, Final Thoughts: There was about thirty minutes of extremely strong content on this show. Unfortunately, it was a two-hour show.

While Hardy vs. Roode, Sam Shaw’s vignette, and the Knockouts were all positives, ECIII and Joseph Park provided just enough horrifically boring, terribly draggy segments to bring the whole episode back down to earth.

The +/- #’s: Impact Wrestling, 10/31

In hockey, basketball, and other sports I’m sure I’m forgetting, individual players are held accountable for their team’s performance during their time in the game through the plus/minus statistic. This week, as ever, this Impact review will attempt to score each segment as a hit (+1; a superior match or well-executed story-building segment), a miss (-1; offensive to the eyes or ears), or a push (+0; wholly acceptable, but nothing memorable) in order to find an overall rating to the show.

Segment 1: Dixie Carter Promo/Title Tournament Announcement

Positives: TNA chose the right group of wrestlers to put in title contention. There was a strong representation of TNA originals (Storm, Joe, Sabin, and Roode) as well as recognizable WWE stars (Angle and Hardy). It was also refreshing/a relief that Bully Ray is officially out of the title mix. His character was a big part of driving Impact into the ground over the last five months, so it’s good that TNA spared fans the fear that he might get the belt back soon.

Negatives: As I mentioned in my preview, this angle is infuriating because TNA finally got the title on the right babyface… and then immediately wrote him off TV.

While it was good to present video packages on each of the contenders to reinforce their legacies within the company, the editing on them was herky-jerky as hell. It was blatantly obvious that the highlight reels had not played for the live audience, which made Impact seem conspicuously taped and minor league.

Segment Score: +0

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Segment 2: GunStorm vs. World Tag Champions The Bromans

Positives: Gunner has definitely improved in terms of being able to put together offense that excites the crowd and sell enough to build anticipation. It’s unfortunate that they didn’t use his time as a Tag Champion to actually push him.

Negatives: If they are going to continue to push Gunner as “The Modern Day Viking,” they really need to explain the name at some point. I get that he has a beard and kicks ass, but does that make him a viking? By that logic, the following people are vikings: Ernest Hemingway, Dustin Pedroia, and Sallah from Indiana Jones.

This match needed to be twice as long to effectively tell the story they were going for. Storm jobbed to somebody holding his ankle after he absorbed absolutely zero punishment. Considering that they were presenting him as a worthy World Championship contender only ten minutes ago, this destroyed his credibility.

Segment Score: -1

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Segment 3: Ethan Carter III vs. Norv Fernum

Positives:Nobody got hurt.

Negatives: Unless you’re doing a big underdog angle (see: 1,2,3 Kid), having a rising heel obliterate the same tiny jobber two weeks in a row is pretty weak. The idea is that they roll over gradually more impressive looking jobbers until they ultimately wrestle a main roster member.

Much like the BFG match, Fernum got in just enough offense to make things awkward. Jobbers get one hope spot, not thirty seconds of offense. When a cat plays with a dead bird, the bird doesn’t get in a dropkick and a top rope crossbody.

Segment Score: -1

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Segment 4: World Title Tournament Play-In Gauntlet

Positives:Kazarian actually made Sting look really good in the opening moments of this match, something that gets harder and harder to do every day. They seemed to have great chemistry. Could we see Sting and a mystery partner vs. Bad Influence at some point? That would be a Sting match that would actually get me interested.

I feel like I’ve said this a lot lately, but TNA booked the right man to win this match, even if the match wasn’t great. The finish was far from thrilling, and considering the four finalists (both member of Bad Influence, Sting, and Magnus), it felt rather underwhelming. That aside, it’s good to see TNA give someone a consistent, strong push.

Negatives: I usually don’t comment on this sort of thing because I’m the furthest thing from a television executive, but it seemed really strange how the show cut to a long commercial break so soon into this match. If the goal is to make this seem like a game-changer match that could alter a wrestler’s career, it would probably help the prestige not to throw to commercial the minute it starts.

At the moment when Sting, Knux, Kaz, Daniels, and Eric Young were all in the ring, I realized that this match was an unadvertised, unhyped, main eventer-free Royal Rumble. So, basically the Royal Rumble without the things that make it work.

Knux positively towered over every other wrestler in this match, but he didn’t get a single elimination. One of the great things about the Royal Rumble is that WWE has consistently used it to give credibility to big guys (heck, the Rumble is half of both Kane and Bulldog’s legacies), but TNA positively missed the boat on throwing a bone to a big man who might actually have a future once this Aces & Eights deal fizzles out.

Segment Score: +0

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Segment 5: ODB vs. Knockouts Champion Gail Kim (w/Lei’D Tapa)

Positives: In terms of storytelling and work, this was the match of the night so far. Both Kim and ODB are over, and they know how to have a match that gets both of their characters across.

Lei’D Tapa seemed far more… uhh… chilled out in this match than she has been in the past, but it actually helped things. She effectively played Diesel to Kim’s Michaels (This is my new analogy. Get used to hearing it a lot.), but didn’t steal the spotlight away from the champion and the number one contender, which she had been doing over the last month.

Negatives: This finish involved an outside distraction from a heel manager and the champion holding the ropes to get a pin. Bells? Check. Whistles? Check. With that said, the finish is somewhat understandable, considering that ODB is the only babyface Knockout in the company — They have to book in a way where they can keep coming back with this same match.

Segment Score: +1

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Segment 6: Bad Influence “Find” Abyss

Positives: This wasn’t a second longer than it was.

Negatives: I’m usually a big fan of the comedy stylings of Bad Influence, but the opening minutes of this segment were hard to listen to. Kaz and Daniels succeeded in drawing boos, but it didn’t feel like the right kind of heat.

This whole segment reeked of the overly gimmicked, unfunny comedic hijinks that make fans embarrassed to watch wrestling with other people. Furthermore, just because a show falls on Halloween, is it really necessary to have a sub-Scooby Doo level mystery about two men chasing a monster? This felt like a waste of time and a severe insult to intelligence.

Segment Score: -1

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Segment 7: Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

Positives: Hey, look! It’s two really talented wrestlers in a wrestling match devoid of over-complicated stipulations! Kidding aside, these two could wrestle each other on every show for a year and each match would be worth seeing. They can really work holds on the mat, and they understand how to pull off an old-school pace in a way that’s really tense and exciting. Each big spot is built up through exchanges and mat work in a way that keeps the crowd engaged in every move.

Negatives: Another great match between these two with a brutal, brutal finish. As I said in my preview, this feud is built around the fundamental question of wrestling: Who’s the better man? Unfortunately, TNA is refusing to answer that question and keep giving these horseshit finishes rather than putting either man over. The crowd would accept either Angle or Roode winning clean, so it seems pointless, counterproductive, and harmful to the product to continue booking on this tack.

Given Kurt Angle’s medical and personal history, telling a “his body is giving out on him” storyline seems in especially bad taste. Imagine if something did happen to Angle; how would TNA look? It would would seem like they were half-begging for it to happen.

Segment Score: +1 (a bad finish, but I can’t turn my nose up at the actual match)

NET +/- SCORE FOR TNA IMPACT WRESTLING 10/31: -1

What’s the Worst That Could Happen?: Impact Wrestling, 10/31

This week’s Halloween edition of Impact Wrestling will try to answer the terrifying question of how you can have a professional wrestling league without a champion. Universal Studios’ monsters Abyss and Lei’D Tapa will appear alongside the spookiest witch of them all, Dixie Carter. Below is a rundown of all advertised segments: 

TNA Says:

Thursday’s HALLOWEEN IMPACT will feature a HUGE “Bound For Glory” rematch as Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle once again battles his nemesis and EGO Hall of Famer, Bobby Roode! After their epic war at “Bound For Glory” and confrontation on IMPACT, can Angle finally get payback against Roode?

Best Case Scenario: These two have a strong TV match while still managing to make the audience who paid for Bound For Glory feel like they saw something more special than what’s presented on Impact for free. Angle wins clean, setting up a big rubber match between the two.

Worst Case Scenario: Botched interference by EGO leads to a less-than-clean win for Kurt Angle who breaks his freakin’ neck on a poorly-executed schoolboy pin.

Dave Says: It feels like only two weeks ago I paid for a show where this was the only good match. Oh, yeah — that’s because two weeks ago I did pay for a show where this was the only good match. It’s a positive that TNA understands that Roode vs. Angle is one of the best things they can present  (especially with A.J. Styles temporarily off TV), but it’s a decided negative that they aren’t building a better angle (no pun intended) around this. Their rivalry is about honor and ability and who’s the better man — all the things wrestling is supposed to be about — but some of the execution has made the whole thing feel cheap and sloppily thrown together.

***

TNA Says:

What’s next in the ongoing situation involving World Heavyweight Champion “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles and TNA President Dixie Carter? Styles shocked the wrestling world this past week and left IMPACT with the World Heavyweight Championship without signing a new contract! How will Dixie Carter respond this Thursday on Impact?

Best Case Scenario: Styles appears “via satellite,” holding up the belt and telling Dixie that he’ll let her see it in person again when the time is right. She flips out, saying she’s going to strip him, but he only laughs in her face, saying that everybody knows who the TNA World Heavyweight Champion is, and she can’t take it away from him.

Worst Case Scenario: Fans don’t receive any word at all from Styles, with only Mike Tenay doing his classic/hackneyed “What’s going on with ________? We haven’t even heard from _________” routine. Dixie gloats about chasing A.J. Styles out of the territory and goes on to appoint her nephew Ethan Carter III new TNA World Heavyweight Champion.

Dave Says: Goodness, is this really TNA’s top angle? It’s understandable that A.J. Styles would feel betrayed by Dixie Carter, but how is leaving the territory with the World Title the act of a hero? A strong, rebellious babyface stays and fights the rot from inside (see: Steve Austin, C.M. Punk); he doesn’t run away, flipping everybody off on the way out (uhhh… see: #ShawnMichaelsWeek).

***

TNA Says:

On the special Halloween IMPACT, ODB gets her rematch for the Knockouts Championship as she battles new titleholder Gail Kim! However, can ODB find a way to counter Gail’s newest associate, the juggernaut Lei’d Tapa?

Best Case Scenario: (I’m usually against rapid title changes, but…) ODB wins the Knockouts Title back, shocking Gail Kim with a roll-up and ensuring that there is at least one babyface champion in the absence of A.J. Styles.

Worst Case Scenario: ODB has Gail Kim in jeopardy when Lei’D Tapa enters the ring right in front of the referee and interferes, causing a disqualification. Kim and Tapa go on an extended beatdown of ODB, which no other babyface Knockouts come to the ring to break up because, well, there are no other babyface Knockouts.

Dave Says: It’s mind-boggling how far the Knockouts division has fallen since Slammiversary. Only four months ago, TNA had Mickie James putting in one of the best performances of anybody in wrestling, Gail Kim as a credible top heel, and Taryn Terrell looking like the next top babyface. Contract negotiations and a pregnancy later, we have Lei’D Tapa playing Diesel to Gail Kim’s watered-down Shawn Michaels.

***

TNA Says:

The Tag Team Titles will be on the line as the new champions The Bromans defend their gold against the former champions, James Storm and Gunner.

Best Case Scenario: The Bromans (What happened to the capital M? The way it’s written now, it looks like it should be pronounced rhyming with “Romans.”) assert themselves as strong heel champions, pinning Gunner following their Hart Attack clothesline. While there are aggravating heel shenanigans throughout the match, the finish itself is clean.

Worst Case Scenario: Mr. Olympia returns and helps The Bromans by interfering. He knocks down James Storm with a sloppy clothesline, tearing his own tricep off the bone and breaking Storm’s neck in the process.

Dave Says: GunStorm are so ice cold and dull as an act that it feels like The Bromans need to move past them as quickly as possible. The problem, however, is that the “tag team division” beyond these two teams consists of Chavo & Hernandez (ice cold and directionless), Eric Young & Joseph Park (seemingly back-burnered with the return of Abyss), and Bad Influence (much better heels than the heel champions themselves). The division desperately needs a shakeup, whether it’s an infusion of new talent or an improbably hard face turn from Bad Influence.

***

TNA Says:

Also on Thursday’s IMPACT, will “The Monster” Abyss make his return on HALLOWEEN NIGHT and unleash terror on Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and anyone else who might be in his path of destruction? Will TNA’s Masked Monster make his return on Halloween to get revenge? Don’t miss it!

Best Case Scenario: Abyss bounces around Kaz and Daniels, who fly all over the place selling for him. Abyss is reestablished as a wrestler to be reckoned with, not just an ultra-gimmicked guy who appears once every three months, bursts through the ring and takes a bump on thumbtacks.

Worst Case Scenario: Just as it looks like Abyss is going to get his revenge on Bad Influence, they chase him into an abandoned windmill wielding lit torches. Bad Influence cackle and dance as they set the mill ablaze, buring Abyss alive and turning him into (Juice Make Sugar Wrestler of The Week©) Kane.

Dave Says: So, I know that Mary Shelley intended the monster to be the babyface in Frankenstein, but this is just ridiculous. It’s beyond kitschy for a wrestling show, even one airing on October 31, to be built around whether or not a friendly monster is going to kill some evil villagers. Holiday special episodes are as stale and worn-out trope-filled as Abyss’ career.

What’s the Worst That Could Happen?: Impact Wrestling, 10/24

This week’s edition of Impact Wrestling will feature TNA’s immediate follow-up to their biggest show of the year, Bound For Glory. The centerpiece of the show will be the World Heavyweight Championship rematch between Bully Ray and new champ “The Phenomenal A.J. Styles.” Below is a rundown of all advertised segments.

TNA Says:

Huge News: Dixie Carter orders the AJ vs. Bully rematch for Thursday on IMPACT  Watch exclusive footage now – after Bound For Glory went off the air on Thursday night, TNA President Dixie Carter ordered that the World Heavyweight Title rematch between new titleholder AJ Styles and Bully Ray will take place LIVE this Thursday at 9/8c on SpikeTV from Salt Lake City!

Best Case Scenario: These two have a ten-minute match which A.J. wins clean to cement his status as a strong champion. Bully Ray is thoroughly disgraced, leading to the long-awaited dissolution of Aces & Eights and a temporary write-out for their former president.

Worst Case Scenario: After three ref bumps, four run-ins (including two by Dixie Carter), and a hammer shot, A.J. goes over Ray in the most convoluted possible manner, ensuring that (1) he has no babyface credibility as an honest, proud champion and (2) he and Ray will continue to feud.

Dave Says: As I said at the end of my Bound For Glory review , TNA needs to get their top title away from Bully Ray in the worst possible way. On one hand, scheduling the rematch for tonight gives hope that Styles will win so he can move onto feuding with other heels. On the other, this could just be a pretext to present something screwy in order to prolong the feud between Styles and Ray.

***

TNA Says:

Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle will appear on IMPACT LIVE to discuss what happened at Bound For Glory! After shocking the wrestling world and respectfully declining his HOF induction, and then his controversial loss to Bobby Roode in which he was injured, what is next for Kurt Angle? What is Angle’s condition after the match? He appeared to suffer an injury and was prone for several minutes, but climbed off the stretcher and walked out on his own power! What will Angle have to say to the fans on IMPACT?

Best Case Scenario: Angle does his “warrior” routine, saying that while he was injured at Bound For Glory, he couldn’t bear the idea of being stretchered out. He tells the crowd that his body just isn’t in a position to be the standard-setter he talked about being at BFG. He says that he is going to step away from TNA temporarily in order to train and become the greatest wrestler in the world once again. He sets his sights on A.J. Styles, saying that at the next pay per view in three months, the two of them will face off to see who is truly the best wrestler in the world.

Worst Case Scenario: Angle cuts some long, awkward worked-shoot promo about how people within TNA were trying to disgrace him at Bound For Glory because of their jealousy. He calls out none other than Jeff Jarrett, who he claims came up with that finish just to make him look bad. This tears the last thread of kayfabe, causing TNA to become Vince Russo’s ultimate wet dream: a soap opera about a professional wrestling company.

Dave Says: Angle’s abdication of his Hall of Fame spot and the finish to his match with Bobby Roode were, well, weird. The booking aspect of both of them was fine. It’s definitely not a good idea to celebrate the legacy of a guy with multiple recent DUI arrests, and it also makes sense to put a star in his prime over a fading one. However, the execution of both led to some really uncomfortable moments that destroyed the morale of the live crowd. Can TNA possibly present a follow-up that isn’t just uncomfortable? We’ll see…

***

TNA Says:

On Sunday night, Chris Sabin regained the X Division Championship in the Ultimate X Match! Now that Sabin is back on top of the X Division, what does he have planned next?

Best Case Scenario: Sabin comes out to cut a gloating victory promo when he is interrupted by “The Charismatic Enigma” Jeff Hardy. Hardy says that he never understood how much he wanted the X Division Title until it was snatched away from him by Sabin and his dirty tricks. The two of them have a pull-apart brawl igniting a feud.

Worst Case Scenario: Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky do a cheap imitation of the “Live Sex Celebration”, leading to none other than Manik coming to the ring to break things up. Sabin and Manik engage in the most forgettable feud of 2013.

Dave Says: The Ultimate X match at Bound For Glory was a little anticlimactic, but it did get the title on the right person. Sabin has an array of interesting insta-feuds ready at this point, even if he doesn’t move past his opponents from the X match, Hardy, Joe and Aries. (Those were the only people in that match. Don’t argue.)

***

TNA Says:

Also on Sunday, new Tag Team Champions were crowned as The Bro Mans (along with their new Bro addition Mr. Olympia) captured the gold, plus Gail Kim regained the Knockouts Championship with a big assist by the juggernaut Lei’D Tapa! Now that Gail and Tapa have seemingly formed an alliance, can any Knockout stop them? Tune in to IMPACT for the latest on the new titleholders!

Best Case Scenario: The BroMans get themselves over through (imagine this) an actual match in which they cleanly defeat another team rather than some goofy, homoerotic backstage segment.

Gail Kim comes out and does her best Mickie James impression, and cuts an over-the-top promo about her own greatness and her unbeatable nature. She clearly establishes that with Tapa at her side, nobody will ever take the title away from her.

Worst Case Scenario: Since both divisions are so weak, the tag team and Knockout angles are combined, with The BroMans defending their titles against Kim and Tapa. The Knockouts win clean when Tapa powerbombs Jesse and screams, allowing Kim to pick up the win.

Dave Says: I don’t know if TNA thinks that bringing in Mr. Olympia will lead to some kind of crossover publicity, but the fact of the matter is that the last thing wrestling needs is a conspicuously gassed-up looking maniac standing next to champions. What year is this that someone in the writer’s room said, “You know what’ll get these guys over?! A bodybuilder!” Seriously, does Vince McMahon book TNA?

As for the Knockouts Division, Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa seem like a solid faction, but who on earth do they feud with? ODB? A face-turned Tessmacher? A returning Mickie James? There’s so little to hold onto in the Knockouts Division right now.

***

TNA Says:

Plus, where do “The Icon” Sting and Magnus stand after battling each other at Bound For Glory? Both superstars will be on Thursday’s broadcast!

Best Case Scenario: These two have a man-to-man face-off in the ring in which Sting calls out Magnus for being disrespectful. Magnus runs down Sting and the Main Event Mafia, explaining why they don’t deserve an ounce of respect from a winner like him since they all lost their matches at BFG. Sting gets heated and tries to teach Magnus a lesson, but the younger man quickly overcomes him, delivers a big beatdown, and stands victorious again over the fallen Stinger.

Worst Case Scenario: See the Kurt Angle Worst Case Scenario. A bunch of worked-shoot garbage about how Magnus “didn’t appreciate what Sting did for him.” Just when you think it’s a promo segment, in classic TNA fashion the bell rings, signifying the start of an impromptu match. Sting defeats Magnus cleanly in under three minutes “getting his win back” and ensuring that Magnus never gets over ever.

Dave Says: I think when people look back at Magnus vs. Sting from Bound For Glory they’ll find that the match was actually better than it seemed at the time. With that said, Magnus has some ‘splainin’ to do. When did he actually turn heel? Was it before the match? During the match? When he realized he’d won? The audience needs to be let into Magnus’ head to see his thought process in order for his new character to get over.

Bang For Your Buck PPV Review: Bound For Glory

Last night, TNA Wrestling presented the culminating event of their wrestling year, Bound For Glory, live from the Veijas Arena at San Diego State University. Heading into the event, the nearly unanimous opinion in the wrestling world was that TNA had done a poor job making “their Wrestlemania” feel special in spite of four full months of TV time build angles.

For those of you unfamiliar with the “Bang For Your Buck” format (created by JMS’ own @TheN1CKSTER), the criteria for these is simply: “Did I get my money’s worth?” in terms of the individual matches and the PPV as a whole, using the tried and true “what was this trying to do, and how well did it succeed” rubric.

Each match is rated plus or minus on a sliding scale between 1 and -1, with matches worth multiple rewatches worth 1, a just-quite-PPV quality match being 0,  and things that make me reevaluate being a fan earning up to a -1 score. The higher the number, the better Bang For Your Buck on the PPV. We’ll (eventually) keep a running tally for each PPV, and a handy list of PPVs we review to give you (and us) a better idea of what we thought was worth the time to check out in terms of matches and PPVs. As for the scale, it’s not particularly complicated but here are the basic levels (on a per-match average):

We’ll be using the predictions/hopes/fears from my What’s the Worst That Could Happen preview to see how close I came to understanding the thoughts that permeated through one of this planet’s scariest locations: the TNA writers’ room.

Pre-show Gauntlet Match

What Dave Wants to Happen: As I wrote in my Impact preview this week, Bad Influence are the only one of these teams deserving of a spot on the BFG card. They have been on the MVP shortlist for TNA over the course of the last year and deserve to be featured on the company’s biggest show.

This match effectively got the crowd warmed up, which is the fundamental goal of a pre-show match. In mind-bending TNA fashion, there was a cheat spot that made referee Brian Hebner look like a moron before the show had even officially started with Daniels scoring the first pinfall of the night after blatantly grabbing the ref’s leg. The bad booking continued when glorified jobbers Eric Young and Joseph park defeated TNA’s one over tag team, Bad Influence.

One over-booked match in the can. On to the real show.

Match Rating: -0.2

Ultimate X For the X Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries vs. Manik

Best Case Scenario: A really exciting, athletic match in which each man shows off what makes him a unique talent. It comes down to Chris Sabin and Jeff Hardy shimmying along the ropes towards the belt, at which point Sabin thumbs Hardy’s eye and snatches the title, leading to his whole heel turn angle actually making sense.

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t a “really exciting, athletic match,” but I got the finish mostly right. Sabin winning makes the most sense, as a lot of time on Impact has been devoted to his heel turn over the last two months, and (for better or worse) he’s not “above” the title like Aries, Joe, and Hardy. Could this match have been more exciting? Yeah, definitely, but at least they came away with the title on the right wrestler.

After this match, it’s worth asking if we’ve seen the last of Ultimate X. Both Aries and Hardy buried the concept as dangerous and unrelated to pro wrestling in recent promos, and given that TNA presented those interviews, it’s safe to say they don’t see a lot of value in the gimmick. In the early days of TNA, wrestlers were willing to take crazy bumps for Ultimate X because (1) we still weren’t far removed from TLC and (2) they believed they could create buzz for themselves as wrestlers and TNA as a company. Now, wrestlers are obviously more disciplined and, to speak plainly, have less faith that anything they do in TNA will get them over as a big star.

Match Rating: +0.2

World Tag Team Championship: GunStorm vs. The BroMans

Best Case Scenario: Bad Influence (our BCS winners of the pre-match gauntlet) win the Tag Titles, putting the gold around the waists of TNA’s most over tag team.

[Okay, so that didn’t even vaguely happen, but I did predict a heel team winning!]

This felt mostly like a resume builder for Robbie, Jesse, and Gunner, but it worked effectively as such. All in all, this was a pay per view-worthy tag team match, and the belts were smoothly transitioned onto a heel team who can get more mileage out of them than GunStorm ever did. I was relieved that The BroMans’ buddy Juicy McGas did not interfere in the finish, as even grabbing someone’s ankle looked like a pec tear waiting to happen.

This is one of those matches that will only be as good as the follow-up booking. If The BroMans’ profile is successfully raised and they get good heat and serve as effective champions, then this was very good. If they are absent from TV for months at a time and never get over (see: GunStorm), then this was bad.

Match: +.3 | PPV: .5

Knockouts Championship: Gail Kim vs. Brooke Tessmacher vs. ODB

What Will Happen: Lei’D Tapa gets involved, allowing heel Gail Kim to get the win and the title.

The crowd was understandably still emotionally confused following Kurt Angle’s abdication of his Hall of Fame spot, which led to pretty flat heat throughout, but this was actually a solid match. With that said, I’ll be much happier with professional wrestling on the whole when twerking isn’t part of a pushed star’s devastating arsenal of offensive moves.

The finish was predictable, but the Knockouts succeeded in putting together a solid match before the over-booked screwiness, which made the finish simply an eye-roller rather than a groaner.

Match: +.1 | PPV: .6

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

Best Case Scenario: A show-stealing match that highlights why they are considered two of the best workers in any company. Angle looks strong and sure-footed in his return and Roode is at his big-bumping heel best. The finish is rendered almost completely unimportant by how good the match is.

The first sixteen or seventeen minutes of this match were really, really good. The story was simple: returning, exciting top dog face takes on petty, unlikable heel. Roode and Angle worked a masterfully old-school match, with the heel using his time on offense to slow things down and work holds between the babyface’s exciting flurries of offense. In that respect, this was as fundamentally sound match as either company has recently presented, and one I would gladly show an outsider who wanted to understand how wrestling works.

In literally the last minute of the match, though, things fell apart a little, as they portrayed Bobby Roode as tripping and falling into a win when Angle knocked himself out/broke his own neck/whatever it was supposed to be. Angle didn’t even sell the stretcher job, which was just icing on the cake. All in all, though, as I said in the preview, I believe this was a good enough that the finish didn’t hurt as bad as it could have.

Match: +.8 | PPV: 1.4

Ethan Carter III vs. Norv Fernum

Unfortunately, I can’t set this up at all because the match was unadvertised.

An incoming new star beating up a scrawny jobber is a totally acceptable thing to present… ON THE EPISODE OF IMPACT RIGHT AFTER YOUR BIGGEST SHOW. If there was any air left in the building after the Angle/Roode finish, this match managed to suck the last of it out. This wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but it was badly misplaced on the Bound For Glory card. Presenting new heels this way just makes fans want them to go away.

Match: -.4 | PPV: 1.0

Sting vs. Magnus

What Will Happen: Sting looks utterly blown up ten minutes in. Magnus goes over, but the match isn’t good enough to elevate him to the level it’s designed to.

This match was alright through the tempered lens of “I know I’m not going to get anything better than alright from Sting.” Magnus, however, looked like he was carrying more than his weight throughout this one, ultimately presenting a match that was just as good as any other match Sting’s had in his TNA run. Magnus carries himself in a convincing, top-wrestler manner and has come a long way in figuring out how to have a convincing, top-wrestler match.

It was a bit of a puzzler that Magnus didn’t explicitly turn heel during the match (although his imitation of some of Sting’s signature moves could be construed as heelish in a Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 kind of way), but rather turned after the match by gloating and laughing off Sting’s offer of a handshake. Bound For Glory is supposed to be the culmination of feuds, not the second chapter in an extended feud between a legend and a new guy. Frustrating booking.

Match: + .1|PPV: 1.1

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: A.J. Styles vs. Bully Ray

What Will Happen: The match has its moments, but also relies extensively on brawling around the building and a whole ton of Aces & Eights hijinks. A.J. Styles gives Bully Ray a “taste of his own medicine” much like Chris Sabin did and wins the title in a less-than-clean manner.

This wasn’t the walking brawl that I quickly became terrified of when they announced the match would be no DQ, but the match still had far more bells and whistles than necessary. Knux, Bisch, Dixie, and a timekeeper’s table all tried their best to “elevate” this match and “add drama,” but all they really did was detract from the idea that World Heavyweight Titles are won in somewhat-sacred matches between proud athletes. Bully Ray pulling up the mat and exposing the boards of the ring was cool the first time, but now that it’s become part of his schtick, it’s tiresome and just makes the ring look like a mess. In a moment echoing the low point of the summer, A.J. Styles actually picked up Ray’s hammer and went to use it against him. Luckily, this time he did not succeed, but still – babyfaces should not do that!

Mercifully, TNA booked the right finish to this match, which made up for a lot of stupidity along the way. Following that match, the next step for the TNA World Heavyweight Title should be to get as far away from Bully Ray as possible. After his long run, and this match in particular, it doesn’t seem like he has anything left in the tank that’s, well, good.

Match: +.3

Nick here, to give a contextualization of the numbers:

Easily the lowest rated of the PPVs we’ve covered, this show was everything who saw the build up thought it would be: a really good Roode/Angle match and some other things also. Of course, Dave and I may have different internal scales for what we expect from PPVs, but given Dave’s explanation, I have no reason to believe he’s being too hard on a company that seems like it needs to start doing things like this way better than they have. It appears their Fandango match (Ethan Carter III’s debut) was especially egregious. But this show still had a few good matches , one borderline great match with a bad finish and while not a classic, it appears the main event of the show was at least pushing the company in the right direction and had a good clean finish (#ThanksBattleground). So, I guess, if you bought this, you might not being showing friends, but you’re definitely not hiding the fact that you bought it from family members. See: WCW Sin (or, actually, don’t).

PPV: 1.4 (not counting preshow gauntlet) | Match Avg.: .2

What’s the Worst That Could Happen?: Bound for Glory

It’s Bound For Glory Sunday! Which means it’s time to ask What’s the Worst That Could Happen? at BFG (you’d be surprised). Tomorrow, we’ll be giving you our world famous Bang for Your Buck PPV review to let you know how good you should feel about spending money on TNA’s biggest PPV of the year.

To make sure you don’t miss anything, follow us (or me) on Twitter and like us on Facebook. Now that we’ve gotten the shameless plugs out of the way, let’s figure out What’s the Worst That Could Happen in San Diego tonight:

Pre-Show Gauntlet Match: Bad Influence vs. E.Y. & Joseph Park vs. The BroMans vs. Chavo & Hernandez

Best Case Scenario: Everybody gets a chance to shine and do their routine, but Bad Influence eventually prevail by rolling up a distracted Eric Young and/or Joe Park.

Worst Case Scenario: Chavo and Hernandez win, setting up a Tag Title match between two teams that are whatever the opposite of over is.

What Dave Wants to Happen: As I wrote in my Impact preview this week, Bad Influence are the only one of these teams deserving of a spot on the BFG card. They have been on the MVP shortlist for TNA over the course of the last year and deserve to be featured on the company’s biggest show.

What Will Happen: Bad Influence win, giving fans a match featuring babyface champions against heels who have both good heat and a solid chance of winning.

Knockouts Title Match: ODB vs. Gail Kim vs. Brooke

Best Case Scenario: ODB wins clean with her finisher, leading TNA to book her as an actual top babyface who the division’s heels take turns running at.

Worst Case Scenario: Lei’D Tapa gets involved, allowing heel Brooke Tessmacher to get the win and the title.

What Dave Wants to Happen: ODB wins because, well, she’s the only real babyface in the division. Lei’D Tapa stays as far away from this match as humanly possible.

What Will Happen: Lei’D Tapa gets involved, allowing heel Gail Kim to get the win and the title.

World Tag Team Championships:

James Storm & Gunner vs. Pre-Match Gauntlet Winners

Best Case Scenario: Bad Influence (our BCS winners of the pre-match gauntlet) win the Tag Titles, putting the gold around the waists of TNA’s most over tag team.

Worst Case Scenario: Chavo & Hernandez (our WCS winners of the pre-match gauntlet) and GunStorm have a thoroughly clunky match in which Hernandez drops Storm on his head, injuring him for the three-thousand-two-hundred-and-sixty-fifth time in the last two years.

What Dave Wants to Happen: See Best Case Scenario. Seriously, Bad Influence have tallied more minutes on TV than any other team in the last year and consistently have the best matches. How can any other team be portrayed as “champions” in a world based even one percent on merit?

What Will Happen: GunStorm and Bad Influence have a well-worked face vs. heel match which GunStorm win when James Storm pins Kaz following the Last Call superkick.

Ultimate X Match for the X Division Championship:

Austin Aries vs. Manik vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Samoa Joe

Best Case Scenario: A really exciting, athletic match in which each man shows off what makes him a unique talent. It comes down to Chris Sabin and Jeff Hardy shimmying along the ropes towards the belt, at which point Sabin thumbs Hardy’s eye and snatches the title, leading to his whole heel turn angle actually making sense.

Worst Case Scenario: B-O-T-C-H-A-M-A-N-I-A. Everybody gets hurt, causing a non-finish which leads to the X Division Title being “held in abeyance.”

What Dave Wants to Happen: Jeff Hardy wins the X Division Title and goes on a long run reestablishing the belt as a top title. He defends the belt regularly on TV against a wide variety of different opponents, ultimately holding the title until Destination X when he cashes it in to return to win back the TNA World Heavyweight Title.

What Will Happen: Everybody “gets their shit in,” but like all Ultimate X matches, there is a severe lack of cohesive storytelling. Manik somehow unlatches the belt and retains in spite of being the least over guy in the match.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

Best Case Scenario: A show-stealing match that highlights why they are considered two of the best workers in any company. Angle looks strong and sure-footed in his return and Roode is at his big-bumping heel best. The finish is rendered almost completely unimportant by how good the match is.

Worst Case Scenario: Angle suffers another broken freakin’ neck because he got drunk before the match, destroying any positive vibes the rest of the show manages to create.

What Dave Wants to Happen: These two have a long, strong match. Roode wins clean, finally getting the moment over Angle that he should have had two years ago.

What Will Happen: Kurt Angle goes over clean to put a cherry on top of his Hall of Fame induction night.

Magnus vs. “The Icon” Sting

Best Case Scenario: These two have a surprisingly strong match considering where Sting is in his career. Both men stay strong babyfaces throughout the match with no heel-turn shenanigans. Magnus reverses a Scorpion Deathlock into his Cloverleaf to pick up the huge win.

Worst Case Scenario: Any possible scenario in which Sting wins.

What Dave Wants to Happen: Sting digs down deep and has his “Obi Wan Kenobi” moment, effectively putting over Magnus and elevating him to top star status.

What Will Happen: Sting looks utterly blown up ten minutes in. Magnus goes over, but the match isn’t good enough to elevate him to the level it’s designed to.

World Heavyweight Championship Match:

A.J. Styles vs. Bully Ray

Best Case Scenario: A long, strong match in the ring with minimal bells and whistles. A.J. wins clean.

Worst Case Scenario: Bully Ray wins.

What Dave Wants to Happen: Before the match starts, all TNA’s babyfaces stand at the top of the ramp to ensure that Aces & Eights cannot help Bully Ray defend his title. The entire locker room watches as A.J. defeats Bully Ray “in the middle of the ring” to achieve his destiny and become World Heavyweight Champion again.

What Will Happen: The match has its moments, but also relies extensively on brawling around the building and a whole ton of Aces & Eights hijinks. A.J. Styles gives Bully Ray a “taste of his own medicine” much like Chris Sabin did and wins the title in a less-than-clean manner.