Tag Archives: Alex Riley

Headlock’d Presents: The Script for the 2013 Supplementary Slammys

Just like the Oscars, sometimes certain Slammys aren’t deemed important enough to make it to television.  Unlike the Oscars, sometimes certain awards aren’t deemed important enough to make it onto WWE.com.  Because we leave no stone unturned, we have decided to bring to light the unsung heroes of the WWE.  These are the Supplementary Slammys!

The Slammy for “overuse of a pop culture phrase”of the year goes to:



Presented by: Michael Cole

Of course Michael Cole would present this.  It has been very easy to get sick of the phrase “Twerkin”, as it did not take long at all for this to make it into news broadcasts and parent-teacher programs that try to relate to kids.  Like “Word Up”, “Crunk” and “Old School” before it, this word had the coolness sucked dry from it faster than Fandango-ing.  Unlike “Word Up”, “Crunk” and “Old School”, this is an awful, awful, awful thing and deserves to be shot dead.  “Twerkin” is not something new and existed long before Miley was a twinkle in her dad’s achey-breaky eye.  The only difference between what strippers do at work and “Twerkin” is that the twelve year old from the YouTube video posted on your Facebook wall didn’t generate enough hits to monetize their content.  Keep fighting the good fight WWE.

Accepted by:  Anyone member of the roster over the age of forty-five. Seriously, anyone will do.

The Slammy for “WWE staff member of the year” goes to:


Dr. Michael J. Sampson

Presented by: Zack Ryder with a plate full of food from catering

When I first heard his name I was really disappointed he wasn’t a muscular superhero psychologist with long green hair.  Truth be told, a year ago I barely knew who he was.  If I saw him walking down the street, I wouldn’t recognize him.  One year later and I wouldn’t recognize him unless he was wearing a WWE black polo. I see him retweeted on twitter, being briefly featured in angles, referred to by name and even getting a line of dialogue.  The fact that he has had more screen time on RAW than Yoshi Tatsu means he has truly earned his Slammy….that and saving Jerry’s life.

Accepted by: Sandra the Seamstress, who steals the Slammy saying it is rightfully hers.  This starts a four month feud that culminates at Wrestlemania, bumping the mixed gender tag match off the card.

The Slammy for “The Milford School of Refereeing WWE Official of the year” goes to:


Not Marc Harris

Presented by: Natalya

I don’t care who gets it.  Break it into pieces so that every referee not named Marc Harris gets some (shouldn’t be too hard, it’s probably chocolate on the inside.)  Remember that awkward Natalya/AJ Lee finish a while back?  Where Natalya had to force Marc Harris to raise her hand in victory when the match wasn’t over yet? Maybe Harris made the right call that night, maybe not.  That’s not the issue.  It’s the response of “a Great ref would pick that up & I did” and “A lot of ‘know it alls’ think they know the rules, but they don’t.  That’s why I’m professional cause I’m the best”.  When the world thinks you royally screwed up on TV, being a pompous, super defensive prick may not be the way to go.  Just saying.

Accepted by: Scott Armstrong with a hacksaw

The Slammy for “Meme-Face of the year” goes to:


Big Show’s “I’ve had it” angry-sad face

Presented by: Sin Cara

Big Show looks like a kabuki performer with no makeup.  Come to think of it, Knucklehead would have been amazing if it was adapted for Kabuki theater.

Accepted by: Big Show. He’s crying.

The Slammy for “Underused performer of the year” goes to:



Presented by: Triple H

I defy you to find someone who was used less than this man.  I really like JTG.  He did most of the heavy lifting when it came to in ring work with Cryme Tyme and his work as a singles competitor on NXT Redemption was surprisingly fun.  Hell, I saw the man in the ring with ol’ Michael McGillicutty at Wrestlemania Axxess and he worked the (minimal) crowd to be one of the most over guys in there.  Was he ever going to be a main event player? Probably not, but he at least could’ve had a chance at the mid card in the Zack Ryder position.  However, once the WWE decided they had nothing for him, they stripped him of his street wear and kept him off TV.  They didn’t change his character, they just took it away.  Now seeing JTG wrestle is like seeing the Loch Ness Monster, I know it happens, but it’s near impossible to prove.  At least Yoshi Tatsu shows up backstage now and then.

Accepted by: Triple H, cause they told JTG to stay home that night. Hunter unwraps and eats the chocolate

The Slammy for “Mike Adamle Memorial Commentator/Backstage Interviewer of the Year” goes to:


Renee Young

Presented by: Alex Riley

Oh, Renee. She is the best interviewer they have, and has quickly put herself right below the Gene Okerlunds of the world as an actual character with value,  AND she’s the first female commentator in WWE history with her work in NXT. All while not trying to be “one of the boys”, which is to say pleasing to listen to and genuinely interested in the product.  She didn’t come off the model assembly line and get randomly stuck in WWE until a better deal comes along, she knows the product from her being a lifelong fan, and her work with Arda Ocal and Jimmy Korderas on Aftermath makes us appreciate her all the more.  She was robbed by not being nominated for Diva of the Year, but her career is still young and still has to go through the Sami Zayn love story angle that millions of fans have already written about in fan fiction.  In five years time she will have joined the Smackdown Commentary team.

Accepted by: Renee Young.  Alex Riley congratulates and hugs her just a little bit too long to be comfortable


NXT Scouting Report: A Cool Breeze Blowin’

NXT is often the second (and sometimes THE) best show WWE produces. But its primary goal is to make future superstars who will one day grace our televisions on Raw. Each week we’ll scout the “minor league” talent in each segment and decide if they’re ready for the big leagues. This week: Who will stand out in a huge 8-man Tag main event? 

Sami Zayn vs. Curt Hawkins

One of my favorite running subplots of Sami Zayn matches is how much his impressive background is brought up by the announcing team. When William Regal  gives his impeccable color analysis, he always mentions Zayn’s international resume and 10-year plus career in THIS BUSINESS. Just two weeks ago Bo Dallas cut a promo where he constantly played up his experience over Zayn’s as subtle joke for fans in the know. And of course, the constant barrage of “Ole!” chants when Zayn does awesome Generico-esque stuff in the ring.

Somebody forgot to slip Alex Riley that memo, as he constantly refers to Zayn’s inexperience and “young” career without a hint of Bo Dallas’ winking knowledge. I’m not surprised that Riley doesn’t pay attention to the indies, as he’s probably too busy writing The Miz/Matt Ryan slash fic to pay much attention. Don’t get me wrong, Riley put over Zayn quite a bit during this match. But this “The Natural” moniker he tried to get started is goofy. Zayn’s decade long career prior to NXT has as much to do with how polished his ring skills are – at least as much as his “natural” ability. I don’t expect ROH and Generico shout-outs on NXT – but Riley’s the only guy seemingly not in on the fact that Zayn isn’t exactly green.

As far as the match went, it was pretty standard stuff – which normally would be just fine. But after getting such high quality action during Zayn’s tussles with The Real Americans, Hawkins just wasn’t up to snuff, the first 3rd of the match where Hawkins dominated the ring wasn’t believable. He might be considered “main roster talent,” but the crowd – who’ve been in a constant state of euphoria during the last few Zayn matches – wasn’t buying what Hawkins was selling. The best part of the match was Zayn’s sell of Hawkins’ enziguri – I loved how he collapsed to the mat, weakly grasping for his opponent as he crumpled. He made Hawkins look tough! Zayn will always pull out a solid match- he’s the closest to Daniel Bryan in the regard going in any level of WWE.

Verdict: Smackdown! worthy.


Aiden English vs. Local Jobber

Man, I am sucker for this kind of crap. Just ridiculous stuff from Aiden English, who’s gimmick is “Daniel Day Lewis as a pro-wrestler” and I am ALL IN. The spotlight, the not-so-great Pirates of Penzance vocal stylings, the gentleman artist ring awareness. It’s got the air of Damien Sandow’s gimmick, just like Tyler Breeze echoes Fandango. Similar but with enough distinction that I they could both work on the main roster. And just like that fantastic time Sandow sang Randy Orton’s theme song – if English can change his lyrics based on his opponent and current feud – that’ll put him over automatically. Who wouldn’t love that? Listen to the pop he receives when he takes an encore performance – that crowd is hype.

It’s goofy and stupid and I love the shit out of it.

Verdict: Smackdown! worthy.

Bo Dallas Interview with Renée Young

Bo Dallas just threw shade at Curt Hawkins and he had a legitimate point! Bo Dallas used the word nifty in a wrestling promo! Bo Dallas almost made the uber-professional Renée Young lose it on camera and start laughing! What I’m trying to say is, Bo Dallas is a treasure right now and I hope this character translates to the big stage because it is glorious.

Verdict: Raw worthy.

The Ascension/Tyler Breeze/Leo Kruger vs. Corey Graves/Xavier Woods/CJ Parker/Adrian Neville – 8-man Tag-Match

It is difficult to tell a coherent story in any kind of wrestling matchup, as the balance between pure wrestling, television promotion priorities, and performers abilities all have to merge into one single purpose. NXT somehow pulled off a nice little story in an 8-man tag match that could’ve been a giant clusterfuck of opposing gimmicks, feuds, and varying levels of competence is impressive. Most of these guys I’m lukewarm on, but thankfully NXT decided to make the entire match about the wrestler head and shoulders above the rest: Tyler Breeze.

Breeze wanted no part of this random grouping of NXT top guys, shrinking up on the ring apron and even shaking his head when a pro-Breeze chant started up in the crowd. When he did finally tag in, the crowd exploded with approval, and Breeze pulled the perfect heel move. The threw a couple of punches and raced back to his corner. The crowd loved it so much it got a “this is awesome” chant – not for the quality of wrestling but Breeze’s pure dedication to character. I love how much the NXT crowd cares about such things, and it goes a long way to help establish the giant personalities WWE is searching for. They appreciate the nuance and Breeze gives it too them.

And to prove the crowd right for focusing on the singular greatness of Tyler Breeze, the match ending was completely  focused on his unwillingness to get his hands dirty. His compadres in evil bounced, leaving him to fend for himself during an onslaught of babyface fire. Parker, Woods, Graves and then Neville took turns landing huge blows on Breeze to humiliated him as much as possible. Breeze was a champ selling their offense, stumbling around the ring like a 3am drunk desperate to find his car keys on the sidewalk. But despite posing over the fallen heel at the conclusion on their onslaught – the focus was clearly on Breeze. While the four faces shared time mugging for the NXT crowd over his disposed body, Breeze captured all the heel heat for himself. Eight supposed future WWE superstars sharing a ring together – but only one advanced his character and made the match about him while still making everyone look good. Impressive stuff from Tyler Breeze.

Verdict: Smackdown! worthy. 

Matthew Timmons runs the stat-centric WWE website Kayfabermetrics, and can be harassed on Twitter @matthewtimmons.