The Shield Rides (Under) The Bus: Raw Regurgitated, 9/23

The WWE uses WWE.com better than any single other entity uses their website to tell you exactly what they want you to feel. Although it was definitely mentioned in the show at some point by someone, not having to explain “Triple H knows what to do when the card fillers get uppity” because you put up an article about the last time wrestlers “protested” on one of the most trafficked websites makes everything so much easier. It’s how ESPN made you think Tim Tebow was important.

The Shield manage to feel like active, powerful champions while rarely defending the titles and never making you feel like they are in jeopardy. It definitely helps that they most often work in 6-man tags which they usually win, but even with favorable booking, they don’t back down from fights as much as rig them in their favor with The Damned Numbers Game™.

Who feels worst about themselves after that segment: Zach Ryder, R Truth or the guy who was supposed to make sure Justin Gabriel got in the frame?

***

Everyone is aware of my love Alberto Del Rio, but nobody quite makes him as lovable as Kofi Kingston. Kingston is is to Del Rio what Charlie is to the rest of The Gang from It’s Always Sunny: manages to make them more despicable because it’s clear they are taking advantage of someone who doesn’t know any better or at the very least, can’t help themselves.

It’s been covered, but we really need to get to the bottom of why Kofi continues to “boom!/boom!” when it’s clearly hurting him. Is he addicted to boom/boom? Is that why he missed so much time? The WWE UNIVERSE NEEDS TO KNOW!

The Wyatts have been on the show in the role of “card filler fun ruiner” enough that while they haven’t even hinted that they might be involved with the Better for Business Bureau, they are leaving just enough breadcrumbs for us to think about it.

***

It’s been said here before, but when the Miz is just being the Miz and not, as Stroud puts it, “playing a guy playing a wrestler”, he’s one of the better workers and mic guys on the roster. When he’s doing that other thing, he’s basically Dolph Ziggler without the bumps. Ask the rest of the Spirit Squad how that turns out.

Stephanie’s epic heel run continues its body count as she manages to bury The Miz just deep enough for the Big Show to still be able to punch his head off. If she manages to get one more mid-carder or above knocked out, she gets a free sandwich.

The Big Show has officially accepted his fate in life. Whatever they have to bring in to neutralize him when this story gets its payoff is going to be awesome.

***

If there is a betting line somewhere on “amount of punts and kicks to the head from Randy Orton during this run”, punt the over. Hard.

***WARNING YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE*** PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYES AND EARS INSIDE OF KAYFABE*** Right now, Randy Orton is in a “LeBron James, Game 6 in Boston” zone from a performance standpoint. It’s not just that he’s the best. He knows he’s the best and is dealing with several years of legit pent up professional frustration. He very notoriously hates working as a face and hasn’t been pushed as hard as he should in what should be his prime because of a pile of Wellness Violations. When given the opportunity to really work with the people he wants — alongside up-and-coming superstars with even more potential than Teddy and Cody did at the time, as well as old friends like H and the McMahons and against super faces like Daniel Bryan and his motley crew — he’s shown why they made him a World’s Champion before he was old enough to rent his own car. Many (our own Noah Waterman included) may want to see him turn quasi-face at some point, but everyone should probably realize that Henchmen 21 works way better with the Monarch than he does on his own. ***WARNING YOU ARE NOW EXITING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE*** PLEASE ENJOY YOUR COMPLIMENTARY SONIC MILKSHAKE ON YOUR WAY OUT***

Why the WWE hasn’t turned Fandango face is anyone’s guess, but the wrestling nerd in me hopes its to keep Summer Rae’s place as the Queen Bee on NXT whenever she comes back.

***

There may be people who are more beloved in a hometown, but there is no one that understands theirs better than CM Punk. He’s so over here that they kept him off the show once because he was in the middle of a heel turn and they were afraid Chicago might turn the whole thing face. They also allow him to be incredibly, endearingly corny. What we be saying if the Miz cut this same promo about champions persevering in Cleve… oh wait.

It better not be too late for Paul Heyman to win a Best Short Film Oscar for “Man Rides Scooter Down Ramp” at next year’s show.

Speaking of being robbed of Academy Awards, has CM Punk never seen Jurassic Park?

Clever Girl

***

24 people are appearing in the next two matches, 10 of whom will be women.  A decent portion of these 24 people will get over on way or the other, none of whom will be women.

Guys! Lay off Michael Cole! It’s entirely possible he thought that the other guy with Golddust was Dusty with his hair dyed black.

The Shield may only have three members, but when you mix these backstage promos about how awesome they are with them actually living up to their own hype in the ring are why the Shield is the best stable since the Four Horsemen. They managed to stand at the exact intersection of wrestling and comic books, giving the characters something mythological — in the sense that their creation was less than organic — to react while also developing as real characters for the fans to root for or against themselves. Also, the entrances are pretty cool.

With a unifying force on both sides of the “bad guy-good guy” divide — Daniel Bryan as the leader of the “emphasis on wrestling” revolution (the name is a work-in-progress) and Triple H as the leader of Best for Business — we have the first logical explanation for heels and faces since Hulk Hogan. Stone Cold wasn’t a leader, he was a lone wolf who deliberately aligned himself with no one. People Power was a blatant power grab by a corrupt leader. And Foley may have been over, but he was never the leader that Daniel Bryan was in one night for the entirety of the short-lived “The Union” storyline. All this lets bad guy be bad guys, good guy be good guys and the matches speak for themselves. Which is nice.

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One thought on “The Shield Rides (Under) The Bus: Raw Regurgitated, 9/23”

  1. I made this suggestion last night on Twitter, but I think we should call Daniel Bryan’s band of merry faces “The Yes Men.”

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